why don't we go...

Me gusta el viento, me gustas tu. 
Me gusta soñar, me gustas tu. 
Me gusta la mar, me gustas tu. 
Que voy a hacer 
Je ne sais pas 
Que voy a hacer 
Je ne sais plus 
Que voy a hacer 
Je suis perdu 

-Manu Chao <3

Stream of consciousness #2 Warning Choppy seas ahead.

Please do not feel obligated to read the following rant. Sadly not written in a flowing pattern as my English teachers would hope for. It is a slight stream of consciousness. BTW this is not meant to be depressing, it is just a real view on things I have been thinking about. I am ok, happy, and "vibin" out to music.  :)

I am coming to realize how much I need to actually leave this friggin house, NEED the fresh air, school starts next week so Im thinking that will help me somewhat. This whole fitting right back in, is not exactly happening, but I can't say I didn't expect this, I did. Because lets face it number one, life is an ever changing thing and people aren't always the same, I am not the same, Number two i have noticed that some neglect to invite me places because they don't think its my "scene", which is fine I guess, its just I think, its time I meet new people, because frankly this road is a dead end. I must find people my own age, people who don't have pre-conceived notions about what I like and where I like to go. Even though in this state meeting new people is almost impossible because everyone is linked somehow. We'll see. Maybe I'll just call people I haven't hung out with in years. You could say I'm still confused. But I am happy that I registered and all is on schedule, school will start :) . Next week will be job hunting which im not exactly super excited about, buuut, I have to start saving and bringing in an income. 

Im sorry if this is scattered,super scattered, hehe. 

Anyway back to the new people thing, so yeah I have been thinking a lot lately that age when you are older isn't really a big deal. But right now, it is, I dont seem to be clicking the same way with people 18 & 19, I dont know, i mean the difference between a 31 yr old and a 33 yr old is, non existent. But I think the maturity level when ur younger grows rapidly, because ur suddenly tossed into the "real" world. From age 20-25 or 26, you start to realize this is not a game, a free ride and if you want things done, you have to do them yourself. It seems that my buddies still lingering in their teens haven't felt it yet. Which is fine, I mean they ARE after all still teenagers. But as I hit my 20's I realized how much more serious and how much more responsible one has to be now. This is no longer the, wake up, school, maybe work, watch TV, sleep (of course ur eating during this but its beside the point lol), its about what you have to deal with in between those. Work is no longer an option, it's a necessity. School is only a possiblity if you work or have parents who can pay for you. Life becomes real, and all the years before are suddenly insignificant. Pressures of money, dating, health, family, transportation etc hit you  in every direction and you have to somehow stay afloat.

Oh dating... a topic worth the dramatic DOT DOT DOT of horror :). Since I was 14 or 15 the world has been wondering why i resist the idea of dating, it never interested me, and it still doesn't. I don't know what I'm waiting for and honestly I couldn't say. At this point if it does happen it will be with someone my age or older. I am friends with guys that are 18 and 19 and although they are amazing people, I never see them in that light, because they just don't seem to be in the same stretch of life as I am, this isn't bad, its just how it is. Actually, to be honest, not interested at all right now.  I actually haven't ever been interested in it. Sad, and I know how it sounds. I might as well join a convent haha (im sure this will make my dad happy), but its just not happenin right now and if it does in the future I won't resist it, but to get myself away from this nun-ish behavior will be a challenge :P.

 I always worried about everyone else, tried to help them with their problems. But I mean I was put on this earth to live my life. I love my friends and family don't get me wrong but is it fair that i have been the nurturer my entire life. Focusing on my own health, mentally, physically, and worrying about the daily issues I'm facing, is something that has to become number 1. I'm not saying i won't be there for people, because I will, its in my nature, but the fact is I have started to realize that people are always coming to me complaining and yet  the courtesy I show them of listening doesnt seem to be a thing that is returned to me. I don't here peoples issues and help to get them to listen to me in return, i honestly love them and want to help. Yet I realized that no one is going to look out for me, NO ONE. So I have to look out for myself its the way it has to and will always be. Anyway this is a long rant. But I just felt like escaping for a bit. 

It's been a long time coming :)

The Fires are Burning.

(Native American beading)

"Reach for me like the petals of  the rose, blooming the seeds, gentle like snow . My body is the mountain, the ocean, the river, the sand and the soil, the life giver, so come on now, my friend, speak to me help me understand let us walk together, take my hand and we will heal this land."

"Tina Malia-Heal this land "

Not 100% on the lyrics but i love it.

I can only think of One word that rhymes with Twitter...

Litter. oh wait Bitter, Sitter, Critter, Quitter, Twitter

The words are Clickable...so CLICK UM! :P

Lost Twitter Passwords

(she seems to have a Problem with boredom too)

"Boredom is fuggin annoying it should be shot"

2 minutes later

"its ok ill kill it myself...u seem to scared"

Organic Starfish

Its the New Year!!!  2008 has come and gone and 2009 has just begun bringing with it the anticipation of a lot of fun and exciting things to come. As every year passes I usually spend the first day of January reflecting, usually it isnt planned it just seems to happen that way. Both bad and good race through my mind. The huge amount I have accomplished, but also the craziness that filled up my life that year. I can say 2008 was not my best year, but I also did, and evolved as a person, much more than i thought I would have.

Im not sure why we go through everything we go through but I know that everything that happens seem to happen for a reason. So although my living in Florida wasn't permanent it gave me a lot to be thankful for. 

• My Mother: Even though we may fight and not see eye to eye all the time she has quickly become one of the people in my life who seems to know who and how I am. I mean she knows what I like to wear, eat, say, watch, say, and pretty much a lot of stuff many people will never know. I am not afraid to talk to her and I can always count on her. Of course you may think she is my mom its her role to know these things and Im supposed to feel like this, well i didnt always and Im glad we grew closer. :)
• My Self confidence: Even though I need LOTS of work, I honestly have grown to realize that everyone else's opinion about me doesn't mean anything and isnt worth anything. Now the thing i need to tackle is my view of myself, and allowing people in, which im sure 2009 will cure :)
• My License: I thought i would never get it. ( i was nervous about driving in a parking lot, hehe)
• My Independence: This above all has made me happy, I made my own money, paid for my own things and drove my own car and accomplished more in a year than i ever would have if i stayed here. I became my own person. I dont know that I am exactly the person i was when I left. I dont need the same things I did, and I dont do, wear, talk, live the same way I did.For some they may have to learn who I am again, to some they always knew me and grew with me (u know who u are).

So although 2009 seems right now like it will be another trying year for me and still be super confusing I am ready for it and what it has to offer. All its ups and downs, all of its happy and hectic times because I know that they too will become part of my make up, part of who I am.