Epiphany

I'm wasting my time...

To infinity and beyond.

oh jeeze, it's depressing me making a comeback. The good and the bad I guess this blog just reflects me. Anywho lovely readers here goes:

I am sad. Not in that I just lost my favorite CD sad (haha who uses CD's anymore what a 1990 thing to say). I feel so sad it aches. I want it to stop so desperately and I have been trying to find the route to this problem and of course there are some issues at the fore front that are making it especially difficult to crack a real smile. I fake it all day at work and basically when i get home its as if I spent all of my energy that the happy fuel is out and all that is left is the sad stuff, the bottom of the barrel stuff. The causes my friends, can only be listed (lists are fun and create a fun format hehe) :

1. Basically I havent seen my mother in 8 months. I need her even though she may be too much sometimes whose mother isnt.
2. If I stand for more than 1 hour without sitting I feel pain from my feet all the way to my hips and back. I have seen a doctor...I will have the pain forever.
3. There is this fellow who seemed to be someone I could at least begin to get to know, I fell too quickly I let that wall get bulldozed down in the moment. Im building it back up...
4. My Brother...Nuff said
5. School 
6. Work
7. I dont feel in control anymore...

So basically in the next upcoming weeks soul searching is my main goal. I have to focus on me. Because this seems as though it may be the only real solution to this problem. Blogging will become sporadic again although writing helps me. Short blogs. Stay tuned my lovelies and fear not I shall be back to normal soon. Love love love 

Adieu Adieu- *Work in Progress to be edited.

Dear Mr. BitterSweet,

Im sure there was one point in all of this,

where the words that spewed out of your mouth weren't complete cow fecal matter.

It scares me how quickly you were able to persuade me this was possible.

There is a spot in my heart that is still trying to convince myself that this is all part of it

and that some how things will return to being cool again.

You tell me not to worry and that you need time,

part of me believed you.

I'm afraid that a spec always will.

I dreamt about you last night.

You were like you were,

and everything was fine,

you told me things wouldn't be how they are

that it was all a misconstruction.

It was a creation of my perfect version of you.

I woke up and nervously laughed

I knew today would be the day I would have to get over you.

So today I'll focus on the negative and forget what you said,

Avoid British television and that seven-piece Irish American Celtic punk band I love so much.

I wish you well and hope you find what you are looking for,

Sincerely,

Me

underneath it all

Im happier these days. :) I've realized that even though Life is this never ending set of obstacles that you have to jump through and figure out, sometimes there's the space, the space to rest and just enjoy the Life you're living. So I've realized I have to enjoy the little moments. Taking everyday as it comes and realizing this is the only life you have, so just soak in what you have, and you'll find the beautiful little moments that you can turn to when the rest hits you.

I started to listen to a lot of No Doubt again. They are perfect sometimes :) enjoy.

No Doubt - New Music - More Music Videos

The Meadows

las mariposas ahora están aquí. (look for the * it's when I get them haha)

They weren't there before and I was like Oh snap, this is going to be good. But no as soon as I said they weren't, they were. Sorry If I am Blabbering. Anywhoo my loves, today is my last final. I am excited however, i still have 2 essays to write by monday. Im exhausted from work *and found out by saturday I will have 40 hrs for the week...So much for being a part timer. Mas dinero para Las Vegas! wooop. I feel wrong typing Las Vegas without having the rest of the sentence in spanish. hehe.

I feel like I'm getting less intelligent by the moment,* I think it's just cause I am tired and can't formulate sentences correctly so I end up blurting out things that either sound like I could be the long lost cousin of Yoda, or that I am in fact a 5 yr old trapped in an adult body. Yesterday I was chatting it up with someone and I definitely told him my brother "sort of had Diabetes.." I literally jumbled through my words and could not form a sentence that was worth being projected out of my mouth and into words by my wonderfully amazing vocal cords, I "Ummmed" and "Uhhhhed" way to much for one sentence * and after wanted to cross my arms wink my eyes and beam my self back to the beginning of that sentence," I dream of jeannie style". yeaaaaah, seriously Melisa. Thats when I knew I needed sleep and or a slap, both effective one less painful than the other :P

Well back to reading for English.

Oh yeah and I have been signing a lot at work when I'm bored to get the signs stuck, and i dont think anyone knows what I'm doing, I think they think I have an issue haha. *

And because its a lovely 46 seconds song:

***

The Kiss

Basically, This painting is perfection, the pose, the colors, the composition and the basic feeling you get from it. It radiates bliss and both beings blend beautifully together. The golds are great and so is the fact that her foot popped up or is she kneeling? ehh either way, amazing <3

p.s- I want her dress...

Let the Dream begin

"The Phantom of the Opera is there...inside my mind"

* I was just thinking of this play and how it was the first Broadway play I ever went too...it was glorious :)  *

(Question: Is he trying to go in for a grab....lol)

Balsamic Vinegar Smellin' Dog

(Haha how much hairspray do you think she used to get her hair like that?)

Hola blog readers!

I am writing because frankly I am 1. bored and 2. I just made a homemade soap to wash my dog's and I am sort of proud of myself haha. NO more will I spend 10 dollars on a shampoo that makes my dog's smell like a vanilla cupcake,which in turn makes their backs a breeding ground for not so friendly and hypnotized bugs; or a bottle of glass cleaner, which is not so great when I'm on the couch trying to relax and cuddle with my friendly canines. Soooooo I opted for a more natural solution that frankly makes them smell like a salad, with a touch of the mango soap I used. hehe

Also, I got a Curling Iron and I'm about to try it out cause Im well just refer to number 1. in the previous paragraph.  I'll post pictures of me if they turn out good. If not then you will just have to picture it or cry. Im hoping you choose the first one. 

Edit: The hair turned out horribly... I got not one single curly... I need curl guidance. Thanks :)

OH! and I am late on this apparently, BUT , if you were a previous Degrassi Fan and liked Jimmy basically this will make you smile and if you have heard it thennnnn you'll jam and then smile. Anywho my lovelies adios til laterz.

I'll never bleed Orange.

Im at work typing this right now and I paranoid someone will come and see me typing. Haha just about the most risky thing I've done all week wooooooo. Sad.

I think I have had about enough of my job's music selection. Sometimes they surprise me with a little Dave Matthews band and some Coldplay which needless to say makes the 4 mintues of working during that time bliss. They even played "Dig" by Incubus the other day and I said out loud "NO WAY!", people looked at me I returned to my quiet self that has become Melisa at this job. No one knows my crazy side and i am not so sure I want them too just yet. I sort of want to surprise them and confuse the crap out of them.

Anywho, this will be another completely pointless blog, unless of course you find it amusing to read about me talking about the boring music selection at my job. If you do really enjoy it... message me we need to talk. hehe.

OH YEAH! i've got another thing to talk about that is completely crap and BS (isnt that the same thing? Yes, yes it is but I dont care :) so there). I found out today that I am the only "new" cashier that was duped into a low salary. This is why people shouldnt discuss their salaries at work. It makes the sorry people who got tricked into the same work, for less pay, PISSED. Basically people who have zero experience and have never worked for the company before are getting paid more than me. Nice, Thanks, I spent almost 1 1/2 years wearing this silly ass apron and I am not even eligible for a raise because of the "economy" YEAH OKAY. Yet somehow the economy was able to fund highschool kids who use their money for clothes and misc. items no problemo. I mean I am greatful I have a job,I am, and i won't complain out of principle, but somehow it doesnt seem right or correct that I am working so hard, and basically full time hours and yet im a part time associate; lets just say after my Vegas trip I will be acting as such. The perk of being a good associate is that they offered me a higher position, whether or not they go through with that is different, for now I will shut my mouth, smile, and continue to be me cause lets face it there is no point in having a bad attitude over crap you can't fix.

Anyway loves, the time is now 7:43 i have about an hour left on this shift then I am set free and I will be back tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday, work work working and soaking up all the awkward moments and trying to open up ;), til monday... my day off, well from work anyway not from school. Which ends soon WOOP! Good luck to all of you with your finals and final papers, and I hope this wasnt too boring.

Adios! (if you are reading this and there isn't any pictures, videos or extras its because I havent gotten home yet and havent been able to. Just visualize it in your mind )

30 more days-Close your eyes...

Ok, so its 3:18 am and I have no idea why I am up why I am even forcing my self to keep my eyelids from shutting. 

I'm Listening to the New Roots CD and it is making life a little sweeter, cause lets face it life hasn't been to sweet lately. Its been a salty soury mess (not that good sour patch kids sour either). I've been confused at school, confused at work, and confused at home. Basically... I'm confused, hugs are necessary but hard to obtain (this weekend the hug fest shall commence ;) hehe) but it's honestly hard for everyone, Im not the only one with so much sour-ness but it just seems to be hitting everyone so hard, so quick and no one is ready for it. 

I honestly can't seem to come up with anything to write, except for the fact that life is confusing and if the sun hadn't made its debut this weekend I probably would have escaped to a far away land. 

Oh man let's talk about teleporting! I mean well I'm going to talk about it and you can sit there at your computer thinking about all the times teleporting would have been useful. You may also be at your computer thinking what is wrong with this girl and her random friggin topics, basically, shut up. Ok continuing! OMG teleporting I would teleport everywhere, all the time and it would make life much more easy... Some one should invent it. go for it, Ill wait :)

Anyway this blog is dumb, pointless, and may make no sense cause its late and frankly my darlings I have little to no brain power. 

List of things to do (you should do them too):

-listen to the new roots CD

-stop typing the word "anyway"

-homeworkkk

-work work

-HUG

- get somewhere with this thing I'm confused about.

-open up a bit.

- stand outside while its windy, close my eyes and be thankful for the day :)

Good night my loves, it is time to end this pointless blog <3

Las vegas in 30 days.... countdooowwwwnnnnn

Hi my name is Melisa....and I'm a Tree Hugger

I didn't even know there was a tree hugger.com click here to explore it <3

If you know me, you know that I am certifiably a tree hugger. I am not one of those people who thinks that humans are the sole reason for Global Warming nor am I the person who thinks that laying in front of a tree to prevent it from getting knocked down is effective, at some point the cops will just come and arrest you and they will knock down the tree anyway. I do however respect those radicals who tie themselves to trees and think that some people inhabiting this planet don't quite understand that the ground they walk on is sooo old, so precious, and they are not in authority over it. We often forget that this planet is the only one we have and just because we will die eventually, our ancestors, our descendants will go on to live on this earth and we have to have respect for this place we share. We share it with other humans but also animals and plants and they deserve the respect of living on this earth too. They too keep the earth running properly and without them we wouldn't be breathing, eating, or living. They provide food, oxygen, and more of the resources we often mindlessly consume. So today even for just one moment take a second to think about where you're standing, what you're eating, take a few breaths and realize that this planet you live on is so vast and so great, and it has endured a lot. So even if you don't believe in global warming, and don't think anything your doing is hurting the planet. At least think about giving some respect to this place you call home, that gives so much and asks nothing in return.

Happy Earth Day Everyone!

Here is the trailer for Disney's Earth:

La Valse

Dear People who read my Blog, 

Today I have made an interesting discovery. I am capable of the societal practice called flirting.

es todo.

Escuche :)

vroom vrooom vrooom!

I was writing a blog just now and I erased the whole thing. It was not thought provoking, funny, or even the slightest bit interesting (it was about me forgetting a better topic, seriously is was garbage, like smelly garbage, the kind of garbage you walk by and your like dzzzaaaaaammmnnn...yeah that bad). Honestly you would have read it and been thinking why did she even bother... so guess what I'm not going to bother! Instead for your viewing pleasure and entertainment, a video. Enjoy it, Laugh, and I will blog when I have something interesting to say.

Don Omar on MTV cribs

( "This is Puerto RICO PAPI! " haha , btw the still for this video is perfect hahhaha)

"That was a close one... too close. *THE LITTLE TRAMP!*" (dzzaaammn Ursula!)

(I typed Cut Slack in Google this is what came up...? You'll understand the Cut slack thing when your're done reading, don't fret)

Yes, its that time again ladies and gents to blabber about the going ons in this psychotic journey called my life. (and there may even be a video post at the end YIPEEE)

My life in a nutshell for the past week? School and work. I started at Home depot, aka Orange Land, about 2 weeks ago and you would think I was the only cashier they hired because I am the ONLY one that seems to be working besides all the older cashiers. I mean seriously they need to start hiring people who can actually work...I mean stop me when I am not making sense

lol.

Anyway they have been working me the entire week and I have been closing every day. I wake up go to school, go to work get out of work, go and pick up my brother who has to work on the other side of town and have no car BLAH, then come back and by the time i get home its about 11:30 at night. It's cool cause i need the dinero but like wow, where are all the new hires. Anyway we are supposed to all work weekends its a requirement which im fine with, I was supposed to get two days off next week....  they did however make a mistake...hahahaha (insert evil laugh preferably Ursula, that bitch is scary) that mistake mad me sooo happy. They, in their infinite wisdom and skill  scheduled me off for this weekend. SO basically this tiny miracle will be spent in a little, in the middle of no where place I like to call (well everyone calls it) UCONN :P. Yesterday my boss came up to me and was like seee you this weekend for the big sale event! I was like "no, im not working this weekend." at which point her eyes spread wide open almost buggin out of her face "how did that happen???" well i told her I didnt know but I had already scheduled things so it was impossible to work, i shot her a "Im sorry face" turned around and smiled alllll the way to my car. Which by the way is a long walk cause they make employees park their cars in east jesus nowhere...

I will be enjoying the weekend, driving up with two of my fav dudes, seeing some of my favorite people and getting myself ready for my 21st by introducing my liver to what people my age do...it probably won't be too happy with me, but I've treated it good for 20 years so Im hoping it cuts me some slack. Do you think livers CAN cut slack? Where did that phrase come from?? 

ANYWHOOOO adios peoples and as promised .....

I've been gone for a bit, basically because updating is a time sucker and I have had papers to write and naps to take :P. 

But I will be writing again, I miss it and I don't know if you miss it but if you do then I guess you wont have to anymore lol. I am about to go to psychology. Which by the way is possibly the most annoying class, i really wish it wasn't because the topic is of interest to me. But this teacher pretty much makes us copy notes we will never understand cause she doesnt teach she basically lets her handouts and overhead projector teach us. Not only does she not teach us, but she likes to do relaxation exercises which would be nice if she didnt play the most un-relaxing music and talk the entire time about how the sun in penetrating into our heads and into our stomachs.......this does not relax me. 

Best part of that exercise was when she asked the class how it was, here is a little dialog with her and one of the students.

T=Teacher      S=Student    got it? okay moving on

T: So class was that relaxing, how did it feel? yes?

S:Well the music was horrible...

T: Why?

S: Because it isnt relaxing and the pairing of that and the waves made me had to Pee...

T: oh ok...anything else, how did u find the vocals paired with the music

S: Well you kept saying the sun was beating down on us and going all over and into our body and frankly i feel like i have sunburn....Lets just say I am less relaxed then when I came in today and I just finished writing a paper, so i wasnt very relaxed.

Here is more with another student:

T: anyone else?

S: Yeah I fell asleep

T: oh you were falling into whats called the Alpha State....

S: NO..I was falling into SLEEP

T: ok and were you more relaxed?

S: what do u think i was sleeeping!

This is the only thing that makes this class bearable. :)

Your looks are laughable, Unphotographable, Yet you're my favourite work of art

(i bet this guy had it right hehe )

Oh Valentines day... I pretty sure your the one holiday that I despise (maybe the bunny craziness of Easter, but just the commercial part not the holiday). Everyone rushes out to buy things for their significant other or someone they like and want to hypnotize them with their loving nature and their ability wooooo hehe.

Valentines is mainly for new couples who feel they have to prove something and husbands who have been mean to their wives, get them presents, and cards and their wives forget how crappy they have been treated and may possibly let them off the hook for the night. 

Normal couples love each other everyday and don't feel the need to splash this one day with unnecessary red ribbons and shitty chocolate. 

BUT, if you are going to celebrate Valentines day do me the favor and think out of the box there is nothing worse than a predictable Valentines that has been played out over and over again. Try doing something the other person doesn't expect, something spontaneous.

 I may be a lil biased because every single valentine I every had was either my mother, my father, my best friend, or a lil boy who gave me a power ranger valentine, when I was in elementary school. I just think the holiday is a bit tacky and if your going to celebrate it really celebrate it don't half ass it. Put some thought into the card you pick, into the chocolates you buy. Don't just grab a cliché card and some crappy drugstore chocolates that are probably stale considering they put them out in January. Make a card, or really look at the cards and pick one that is significant. Buy the nicest chocolates you can afford if your going that route. AND please don't just pick the stuffed animal nearest the door. They are cheap looking, and smell funny. Try actually looking at the stuffed animals to see which one he/she may like, pick accordingly. You can be Romantic and dorky in a non-tacky way. 

So I may hate Valentines day because I'm the one who sits at home doing nothing. But No matter what its a holiday fueled by consumerism and....RED (not like the other holidays aren't, this one is just a little more taste-less at times)and if you are going to celebrate it how about making it less predictable so she expects the flower, the chocolate and the Hall mark card but gets those funky earrings she's been wanting or he gets the poster he's been staring at for weeks, mix it up have fun with it, actually give it some thought. Now go my lovebirds and make this the least tacky Valentines ever.

why don't we go...

Me gusta el viento, me gustas tu. 
Me gusta soñar, me gustas tu. 
Me gusta la mar, me gustas tu. 
Que voy a hacer 
Je ne sais pas 
Que voy a hacer 
Je ne sais plus 
Que voy a hacer 
Je suis perdu 

-Manu Chao <3

Stream of consciousness #2 Warning Choppy seas ahead.

Please do not feel obligated to read the following rant. Sadly not written in a flowing pattern as my English teachers would hope for. It is a slight stream of consciousness. BTW this is not meant to be depressing, it is just a real view on things I have been thinking about. I am ok, happy, and "vibin" out to music.  :)

I am coming to realize how much I need to actually leave this friggin house, NEED the fresh air, school starts next week so Im thinking that will help me somewhat. This whole fitting right back in, is not exactly happening, but I can't say I didn't expect this, I did. Because lets face it number one, life is an ever changing thing and people aren't always the same, I am not the same, Number two i have noticed that some neglect to invite me places because they don't think its my "scene", which is fine I guess, its just I think, its time I meet new people, because frankly this road is a dead end. I must find people my own age, people who don't have pre-conceived notions about what I like and where I like to go. Even though in this state meeting new people is almost impossible because everyone is linked somehow. We'll see. Maybe I'll just call people I haven't hung out with in years. You could say I'm still confused. But I am happy that I registered and all is on schedule, school will start :) . Next week will be job hunting which im not exactly super excited about, buuut, I have to start saving and bringing in an income. 

Im sorry if this is scattered,super scattered, hehe. 

Anyway back to the new people thing, so yeah I have been thinking a lot lately that age when you are older isn't really a big deal. But right now, it is, I dont seem to be clicking the same way with people 18 & 19, I dont know, i mean the difference between a 31 yr old and a 33 yr old is, non existent. But I think the maturity level when ur younger grows rapidly, because ur suddenly tossed into the "real" world. From age 20-25 or 26, you start to realize this is not a game, a free ride and if you want things done, you have to do them yourself. It seems that my buddies still lingering in their teens haven't felt it yet. Which is fine, I mean they ARE after all still teenagers. But as I hit my 20's I realized how much more serious and how much more responsible one has to be now. This is no longer the, wake up, school, maybe work, watch TV, sleep (of course ur eating during this but its beside the point lol), its about what you have to deal with in between those. Work is no longer an option, it's a necessity. School is only a possiblity if you work or have parents who can pay for you. Life becomes real, and all the years before are suddenly insignificant. Pressures of money, dating, health, family, transportation etc hit you  in every direction and you have to somehow stay afloat.

Oh dating... a topic worth the dramatic DOT DOT DOT of horror :). Since I was 14 or 15 the world has been wondering why i resist the idea of dating, it never interested me, and it still doesn't. I don't know what I'm waiting for and honestly I couldn't say. At this point if it does happen it will be with someone my age or older. I am friends with guys that are 18 and 19 and although they are amazing people, I never see them in that light, because they just don't seem to be in the same stretch of life as I am, this isn't bad, its just how it is. Actually, to be honest, not interested at all right now.  I actually haven't ever been interested in it. Sad, and I know how it sounds. I might as well join a convent haha (im sure this will make my dad happy), but its just not happenin right now and if it does in the future I won't resist it, but to get myself away from this nun-ish behavior will be a challenge :P.

 I always worried about everyone else, tried to help them with their problems. But I mean I was put on this earth to live my life. I love my friends and family don't get me wrong but is it fair that i have been the nurturer my entire life. Focusing on my own health, mentally, physically, and worrying about the daily issues I'm facing, is something that has to become number 1. I'm not saying i won't be there for people, because I will, its in my nature, but the fact is I have started to realize that people are always coming to me complaining and yet  the courtesy I show them of listening doesnt seem to be a thing that is returned to me. I don't here peoples issues and help to get them to listen to me in return, i honestly love them and want to help. Yet I realized that no one is going to look out for me, NO ONE. So I have to look out for myself its the way it has to and will always be. Anyway this is a long rant. But I just felt like escaping for a bit. 

It's been a long time coming :)

The Fires are Burning.

(Native American beading)

"Reach for me like the petals of  the rose, blooming the seeds, gentle like snow . My body is the mountain, the ocean, the river, the sand and the soil, the life giver, so come on now, my friend, speak to me help me understand let us walk together, take my hand and we will heal this land."

"Tina Malia-Heal this land "

Not 100% on the lyrics but i love it.

I can only think of One word that rhymes with Twitter...

Litter. oh wait Bitter, Sitter, Critter, Quitter, Twitter

The words are Clickable...so CLICK UM! :P

Lost Twitter Passwords

(she seems to have a Problem with boredom too)

"Boredom is fuggin annoying it should be shot"

2 minutes later

"its ok ill kill it myself...u seem to scared"

Organic Starfish

Its the New Year!!!  2008 has come and gone and 2009 has just begun bringing with it the anticipation of a lot of fun and exciting things to come. As every year passes I usually spend the first day of January reflecting, usually it isnt planned it just seems to happen that way. Both bad and good race through my mind. The huge amount I have accomplished, but also the craziness that filled up my life that year. I can say 2008 was not my best year, but I also did, and evolved as a person, much more than i thought I would have.

Im not sure why we go through everything we go through but I know that everything that happens seem to happen for a reason. So although my living in Florida wasn't permanent it gave me a lot to be thankful for. 

• My Mother: Even though we may fight and not see eye to eye all the time she has quickly become one of the people in my life who seems to know who and how I am. I mean she knows what I like to wear, eat, say, watch, say, and pretty much a lot of stuff many people will never know. I am not afraid to talk to her and I can always count on her. Of course you may think she is my mom its her role to know these things and Im supposed to feel like this, well i didnt always and Im glad we grew closer. :)
• My Self confidence: Even though I need LOTS of work, I honestly have grown to realize that everyone else's opinion about me doesn't mean anything and isnt worth anything. Now the thing i need to tackle is my view of myself, and allowing people in, which im sure 2009 will cure :)
• My License: I thought i would never get it. ( i was nervous about driving in a parking lot, hehe)
• My Independence: This above all has made me happy, I made my own money, paid for my own things and drove my own car and accomplished more in a year than i ever would have if i stayed here. I became my own person. I dont know that I am exactly the person i was when I left. I dont need the same things I did, and I dont do, wear, talk, live the same way I did.For some they may have to learn who I am again, to some they always knew me and grew with me (u know who u are).

So although 2009 seems right now like it will be another trying year for me and still be super confusing I am ready for it and what it has to offer. All its ups and downs, all of its happy and hectic times because I know that they too will become part of my make up, part of who I am.