Epiphany

I'm wasting my time...

To infinity and beyond.

oh jeeze, it's depressing me making a comeback. The good and the bad I guess this blog just reflects me. Anywho lovely readers here goes:

I am sad. Not in that I just lost my favorite CD sad (haha who uses CD's anymore what a 1990 thing to say). I feel so sad it aches. I want it to stop so desperately and I have been trying to find the route to this problem and of course there are some issues at the fore front that are making it especially difficult to crack a real smile. I fake it all day at work and basically when i get home its as if I spent all of my energy that the happy fuel is out and all that is left is the sad stuff, the bottom of the barrel stuff. The causes my friends, can only be listed (lists are fun and create a fun format hehe) :

1. Basically I havent seen my mother in 8 months. I need her even though she may be too much sometimes whose mother isnt.
2. If I stand for more than 1 hour without sitting I feel pain from my feet all the way to my hips and back. I have seen a doctor...I will have the pain forever.
3. There is this fellow who seemed to be someone I could at least begin to get to know, I fell too quickly I let that wall get bulldozed down in the moment. Im building it back up...
4. My Brother...Nuff said
5. School 
6. Work
7. I dont feel in control anymore...

So basically in the next upcoming weeks soul searching is my main goal. I have to focus on me. Because this seems as though it may be the only real solution to this problem. Blogging will become sporadic again although writing helps me. Short blogs. Stay tuned my lovelies and fear not I shall be back to normal soon. Love love love