Epiphany

I'm wasting my time...

To infinity and beyond.

oh jeeze, it's depressing me making a comeback. The good and the bad I guess this blog just reflects me. Anywho lovely readers here goes:

I am sad. Not in that I just lost my favorite CD sad (haha who uses CD's anymore what a 1990 thing to say). I feel so sad it aches. I want it to stop so desperately and I have been trying to find the route to this problem and of course there are some issues at the fore front that are making it especially difficult to crack a real smile. I fake it all day at work and basically when i get home its as if I spent all of my energy that the happy fuel is out and all that is left is the sad stuff, the bottom of the barrel stuff. The causes my friends, can only be listed (lists are fun and create a fun format hehe) :

1. Basically I havent seen my mother in 8 months. I need her even though she may be too much sometimes whose mother isnt.
2. If I stand for more than 1 hour without sitting I feel pain from my feet all the way to my hips and back. I have seen a doctor...I will have the pain forever.
3. There is this fellow who seemed to be someone I could at least begin to get to know, I fell too quickly I let that wall get bulldozed down in the moment. Im building it back up...
4. My Brother...Nuff said
5. School 
6. Work
7. I dont feel in control anymore...

So basically in the next upcoming weeks soul searching is my main goal. I have to focus on me. Because this seems as though it may be the only real solution to this problem. Blogging will become sporadic again although writing helps me. Short blogs. Stay tuned my lovelies and fear not I shall be back to normal soon. Love love love 

Adieu Adieu- *Work in Progress to be edited.

Dear Mr. BitterSweet,

Im sure there was one point in all of this,

where the words that spewed out of your mouth weren't complete cow fecal matter.

It scares me how quickly you were able to persuade me this was possible.

There is a spot in my heart that is still trying to convince myself that this is all part of it

and that some how things will return to being cool again.

You tell me not to worry and that you need time,

part of me believed you.

I'm afraid that a spec always will.

I dreamt about you last night.

You were like you were,

and everything was fine,

you told me things wouldn't be how they are

that it was all a misconstruction.

It was a creation of my perfect version of you.

I woke up and nervously laughed

I knew today would be the day I would have to get over you.

So today I'll focus on the negative and forget what you said,

Avoid British television and that seven-piece Irish American Celtic punk band I love so much.

I wish you well and hope you find what you are looking for,

Sincerely,

Me

underneath it all

Im happier these days. :) I've realized that even though Life is this never ending set of obstacles that you have to jump through and figure out, sometimes there's the space, the space to rest and just enjoy the Life you're living. So I've realized I have to enjoy the little moments. Taking everyday as it comes and realizing this is the only life you have, so just soak in what you have, and you'll find the beautiful little moments that you can turn to when the rest hits you.

I started to listen to a lot of No Doubt again. They are perfect sometimes :) enjoy.

No Doubt - New Music - More Music Videos

The Meadows

las mariposas ahora están aquí. (look for the * it's when I get them haha)

They weren't there before and I was like Oh snap, this is going to be good. But no as soon as I said they weren't, they were. Sorry If I am Blabbering. Anywhoo my loves, today is my last final. I am excited however, i still have 2 essays to write by monday. Im exhausted from work *and found out by saturday I will have 40 hrs for the week...So much for being a part timer. Mas dinero para Las Vegas! wooop. I feel wrong typing Las Vegas without having the rest of the sentence in spanish. hehe.

I feel like I'm getting less intelligent by the moment,* I think it's just cause I am tired and can't formulate sentences correctly so I end up blurting out things that either sound like I could be the long lost cousin of Yoda, or that I am in fact a 5 yr old trapped in an adult body. Yesterday I was chatting it up with someone and I definitely told him my brother "sort of had Diabetes.." I literally jumbled through my words and could not form a sentence that was worth being projected out of my mouth and into words by my wonderfully amazing vocal cords, I "Ummmed" and "Uhhhhed" way to much for one sentence * and after wanted to cross my arms wink my eyes and beam my self back to the beginning of that sentence," I dream of jeannie style". yeaaaaah, seriously Melisa. Thats when I knew I needed sleep and or a slap, both effective one less painful than the other :P

Well back to reading for English.

Oh yeah and I have been signing a lot at work when I'm bored to get the signs stuck, and i dont think anyone knows what I'm doing, I think they think I have an issue haha. *

And because its a lovely 46 seconds song:

***

The Kiss

Basically, This painting is perfection, the pose, the colors, the composition and the basic feeling you get from it. It radiates bliss and both beings blend beautifully together. The golds are great and so is the fact that her foot popped up or is she kneeling? ehh either way, amazing <3

p.s- I want her dress...

Let the Dream begin

"The Phantom of the Opera is there...inside my mind"

* I was just thinking of this play and how it was the first Broadway play I ever went too...it was glorious :)  *

(Question: Is he trying to go in for a grab....lol)